The Five-Letter Word That Can Erode Your Credibility

How many times do you say sorry?


I once counted 15 occasions when I said it within 24 hours. These sorry events included:

• A guy cutting into line at the local Starbucks. I asked him, semi-indignantly, "Sorry?"

• Someone spilling coffee on my shoe in the pantry. I said "Oh, sorry ..." as I helped find paper towels to wipe up my new, now soiled, suede heels.

• Not hearing a question asked of me at a meeting. I piped up "Sorry? Could you repeat that?"

• Reaching over to grab the communal report binder. "So-reeee," I trilled as my arm snaked over paper-strewn tables.

• A man taking my aisle seat on the plane. My way of asking him to move: "I'm so sorry, but that's my seat."

At one point in my career the word sorry, like the Invasion of the Body Snatchers, had taken over my vocabulary. It stood in for 'please', 'pardon me' or 'do you mind very much'. It shot out of my mouth whether it was my fault or not. In fact the more it wasn't my fault, the more I tended to preface each sentence with it.


Why?


Because 'sorry' is the ultimate non-confrontational word. Because we are wired to soften our phrases before delivering tough messages. 


And in our constant unconscious quest not to be labeled as bitches, women tend to use the s word more often than they should -- even when it's laughably inappropriate. I once heard a female executive whose department was being taken over without her knowledge splutter, "I'm sorry, but you can't do that!"


Like crying and theatrics, saying sorry all the time erodes your credibility. It also cheapens the moments when saying it can be the most effective tool at your disposal. 


While love means never having to say you're sorry, in the professional world the opposite is true. The best leaders, however, know when and how to deliver an apology for maximum gains, such as salvaging an account or repairing damaged relationships. 


So be mindful of the times you say sorry. Use it sparingly and only when it can effect significant results. Don't apologise as a reflex in asking questions, writing emails or stating a verbal request.


Sorry is a word that carries incredible power. Use it to build, not diminish, yours.

Bought In the Airport; Made It Home: My Top 10 Reads

Like most travelers, I've plundered airport bookstores for reading material, and that usually means three or four business/self-help books. 

There are many I have left in seat pockets because they were pretty much 'meh' category. Then there are those tomes that despite being hard bound weight-adding bricks I have lugged them from city to city, and then back home. 

They're dog-eared, highlighted, scribbled on. They end up beside my bed and the corgi sleeps on them (dog-eared seems apt). They are that good.

At the very least each book has challenged or altered my thinking and helped me grow professionally. Each one continues to be relevant no matter how many times I've read it. 

So here, in no particular order, is my all-time hit list (disclosure: these are all Amazon affiliate links).

Instead of writing a review for each book, I'll lift a sentence or passage that when I read it the first time, I thought: Damn, everyone should read this.  

'Real Leaders Don't Do PowerPoint' by Christopher Witt with Dale Fetherling. "Don't tell your listeners how happy you are to be speaking to them. Don't tell them what a great group they appear to be. Don't acknowledge dignitaries in the audience. That's all hooey that squanders the force of your opening. In other words, don't introduce your introduction."

'Brilliant NLP' by David Molden & Pat Hutchinson. "Have you ever been in a position where you have done something you didn't want to do? Perhaps you did it to please someone and then felt you had done yourself a disservice.

"In NLP this state of misalignment resulting in a behaviour that doesn't fit with the other levels is called 'incongruence'. Deep inside you want to act a certain way, but, when the time comes, you resist the inner urge and maybe tell yourself 'not this time, maybe next time'. That is incongruence and it is not something success thrives on.

'Success requires congruence, which means an alignment of all the levels, from purpose all the way through to behaviour. Only then can you affect your environment in the way that you really want."

'Make Your Contacts Count' by Anne Baber & Lynne Waymon. "You've got to be prepared to be spontaneous."

'Beyond Bullsh*t: Straight Talk At Work' by Samuel A. Culbert. "If you're one of the many, you probably don't realize the essential and surprisingly constructive role bullsh*t plays. Many times the authenticity of relationships and veracity of spoken content gets subordinated to mere cosmetics at work. Under those circumstances bullsh*t becomes the salve that eases myriad frictions. It's surprising but true: bullsh*t is essential for workplace harmony."

(Note: Asterisks are the author's own.)

'Nudge' by Thaler & Sunstein. "Never underestimate the power of inertia. Second, that power can be harnessed."

'Tribes' by Seth Godin. "I've encountered thousands (it might be tens of thousands) of people walking around with great ideas. Some of the ideas really are great; some are merely pretty good. There doesn't seem to be a shortage of ideas. Ordinary folks can dream up remarkable stuff fairly easily.

"What's missing is the will to make the ideas happen.

"In a battle between two ideas, the best one doesn't necessarily win. No, the idea that wins is the one with the most fearless heretic behind it."

'Confessions of an Advertising Man' by David Ogilvy. "In the modern world of business, it is useless to be a creative, original thinker unless you can also sell what you create. Management cannot be expected to recognize a good idea unless it is presented to them by a good salesman."

'Reality Check' by Guy Kawasaki. "Here are four things a CEO should say: 

"1. 'I don't know.'

"2. 'Thank you.'

"3. Do what's right.'

"4. It's my fault.'

"However, in all my interactions with CEOs, I can't remember many instances of any of them uttering such wisdom."

'The First 90 Days' by Michael Watkins. "In the first 90 days, a key goal is to build personal credibility and create organizational momentum. You do this by securing some early wins. Early wins leverage your energy and expand the potential scope of your subsequent actions.

"As you look for ways to create momentum, keep in mind that the actions you take to get early wins should do double duty. Plan your early wins so they help you build credibility in the short run and lay a foundation for your longer-term goals."

'Life's A Pitch: How to Sell Yourself and Your Brilliant Ideas' by Stephen Bayley & Roger Mavity. "If you want to complete a tax return or repair a dishwasher, go for logic every time. But if you want to overthrow a tyrant or write a sonnet, to solve a great problem or to get people to think in an entirely new way, then go for passion."

Photo courtesy of dcmaster on Flickr.

Get The Business -- Even Before The Customer Has Thought About You

Jeannie Walters of Chicago consultancy 360Connext wrote a really compelling blog post today on why customer engagement is so much more than customer satisfaction. 

The topic: Most people mistakenly think how complaints are dealt with constitutes the entire customer experience. 

"Typically, the polite new friend says something like 'Customer service is a big issue. I hate calling India just to get my computer working!'," Jeannie wrote. 

"Aside from the blatant xenophobia, it annoys me because it’s assuming what happens BEFORE and AFTER the service call isn’t part of the puzzle."

The 'before' bit resonated with me in particular because very few companies get it. If the transaction hasn't taken place, why even bother to satisfy a potential customer? It's costly and time-consuming. It doesn't guarantee you the sale.

But boy, does it make the customer hanker to do business with you, if not now, in future.  

On April 1st I sent out an RFP (request for proposal) to three hotels: The Peninsula Chicago, the Elysian Hotel and the Park Hyatt Chicago. 

I have a high-level executive breakfast in June and a two-day workshop in October. The first involves a boardroom for 15 persons for breakfast while the second event will take place over two days, including meals, for an estimated 70 to 100. 

I contacted the three hotels primarily for the first event but would be open to considering the second event in their venues if the package and negotiations went well.  

Compare and contrast the following responses when I sent out the RFP.

The Peninsula. Even before the RFP was written, I'd tweeted my followers asking for potential venues. The Peninsula somehow got wind of it and tweeted back that an event manager would be in touch with me. 

In less than 24 hours, I received a phone call and an email confirming my requirements and potential site inspection dates.

While this was going on, the Peninsula tweeted to invite me to a private chef tasting, a privilege usually reserved for regular clients.

As of today, four Peninsula Twitter accounts are following me: The Pen, Shanghai Terrace, Avenues and the Peninsula Spa. 

The Park Hyatt. A Google search led to their site, which prompts you to enter your event details. The form said requests would be forwarded to the relevant property. 

It's been five days. I haven't heard back from the Hyatt yet. 

The Elysian Hotel. After personally visiting their bar Bernard's and having a drink, I got the catering director's business card from one of the servers. I emailed the RFP to her the very next day.

Another informal site visit and a follow-up call later, there has been no word from the Elysian. On my second visit, Bernard's wasn't open in the afternoon. There was, however, a member of the catering team at the entrance showing a potential client around. She paid us no attention even though we were obviously scoping out the place. 

That follow-up phone call today? No response.

All these hotels are impressive properties, with excellent food and beverage outlets and five-star service. The Elysian is jaw-dropping gorgeous, with a fabulous concierge. The Park Hyatt has Nomi, which I love.

But only the Pen is setting the scene ahead of the actual transaction, e.g. combing social media for mentions, engaging directly and responding promptly. 

Frankly, the Pen didn't need to invite me to a private chef tasting. I'm just grateful that I was treated to their legendary 24-hour turnaround. But to be given this treat even before I bought from them? That's turning me into jelly. And a customer for life.

Cost of course is going to be a major factor in choosing my June and October venues. The Pen may be wildly expensive. But given their performance so far, it's going to get at least one of my events -- if not now, definitely in future. Not to mention the possibility of my returning to Shanghai Terrace for dim sum is now very, very likely. Us Asians need our dim sum every now and then.

Many businesses don't understand what Jeannie said in her blog. The customer experience is felt at every touch point. Even when you think the customer hasn't thought of you yet.