Nothing creates heart palpitations for an introvert than the word 'networking'. I should know: I'm an introvert, an INTP in fact if you've taken the Myers-Briggs test.
Ironically I'm a marketer, which makes introversion a unique challenge Apart from hiring extroverts who could cover for me at my own functions, I've made my own cardinal rules for working a room without going bonkers:
Make it a game: Set a target before you go. It can be time (one hour maximum), number of strangers you meet/exchange cards with (10), number of tables visited (five). A target gives you something to focus on and accomplish. Once you're done with your target, merrily waltz off.
Ask lots of questions. In research speak, it's called open-ended questions. They're the ones that get strangers talking on and on about themselves instead of eliciting a simple yes or no. And if there's one universal truth, it's that people find themselves the most fascinating subject. One question I've found to be an all-time hit is "So what's keeping you busy these days?"
Give yourself regular breaks to recharge your batteries. Build these into your schedule, especially if you're at a day-long conference. Extroverts get their energy from other people; introverts draw energy from within themselves. Do it gracefully: If you're in mid-conversation with someone, just say 'It was lovely talking to you. I have to run off now to make a conference call, but I'll make sure to catch up with you later." Recharge in your hotel room, outside, or in a coffee shop. Then go back.
Look for the other introverts in the room. You'll know who they are because of that unmistakeable pained look on their faces. They'll be clutching their drinks and circling groups like blind bats. A good way to break the ice is "Looking for your friend too? I'm in the same boat."
If they're pinned to the wall or a seat like barnacles to a ship bottom and not furiously tapping away on their phone (a dead giveaway), smile and say "Thought I'd be cheeky and interrupt your moment of solitude there. My name's Jane." Shake hands. Start asking questions. They'll be relieved and grateful.
Treat this as a business exercise, not a popularity contest. This isn't high school. No one's rating your clothes, looks or technique. Get over it. Everyone's here for the same reason you are, and that's to build their knowledge, network and influence.
So go work the room with that higher purpose in mind. As an introvert you may never completely enjoy the exercise, but adopting these five tactics helps you rewrite your internal script -- networking is pointless, stupid and painful -- into one that not only enhances you professionally but is consistently you.
Thank you for sharing useful info
ReplyDeleteI would like to know how not to do this. Honestly, I feel very awkward when people seem to naturally break into groups and start talking. I feel like an alien, and I don’t know how they manage to do this. I always, without fail, end up alone in a corner for mysterious reasons I simply do not understand. Maybe it’s body language on my part or a look on my face, whatever it is it must be unconscious and non-verbal. And it always happens. I hate the feeling completely. Now I am most assuredly introverted and I may not want to talk long whatever the case, but I am not averse to talking. I am averse to looking like a f*cking fool, which in these situations I seem to have no control over. It’s particularly awkward when I’m with my husband who is an extrovert extraordinaire and needs to be yakking with someone nearly every minute of the day (and I’m not exaggerating). He’s on the phone or internet 95% of the time. I don’t need that type of face time. It cuts into my web surfing, book reading, movie watching and just general daydreaming. I truly live inside of my head; that’s how I know I’m a true innie. It’s a much better place than the yucky, ultra competitive social rules laden and un-magical world in which we live. Maybe that’s why I find most actual people tiresome. They just don’t live up to the fun characters of the imagination.
ReplyDeleteI think your preferences are spot-on for an innie, and it may seem that most of the time you're living in the Twilight Zone. The ease with which people blather on at gatherings? It's a skill they've developed, not something that comes naturally to most people. You may feel you're the only one feeling out of place and foolish in a room, but I can assure you that at least half the room feels that way too.
ReplyDeleteThere are some practical things you can do to give you more control over the situation. Know your limits. If the thought of being stranded when conversation dries up is your main turn-off, work around it.
Commission a friend to be your 'wing man' when you need to network, and make an agreement beforehand that this person should not leave your side all throughout. Nobody needs to know.
Duck out whenever you feel awkward, saying you've got a call to make. Make arrangements to call a friend when you're feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes a short conversation with someone you know gives you a second wind.
Most of all, don't feel obliged at all to play by the rules, because there aren't any. I've found that the most stress comes from the demands we place on ourselves, e.g. "I just got here, to leave right now is rude." Tell the host or hostess that you can only stay for a few minutes as you've got a dinner to attend. Pre-plan your exit. You may just find that you'll be sticking around longer than you thought you would.